the three things to happiness:

believing in yourself.

loving those around you.

looking forward to the future.

-Tenshi Nanka Ja Nai

{ music } tsumasaki by ore ska band
{ book } trigo probs and fungal dses of rice grains
{ show } just done sneaking in the pbb they were watching upstairs
{ mood } my tummy is full of air. my mind is in a mesh. me? taking in con

hn. your pen's toilet

just me. lingering

philosophizing on the thought of a bondigity

{ book } all about Ester
{ show } waitin' for Alvin and The Chipmunks to fully download
{ mood } my forehead's wrinkling

Filed under dengeki daisy | hn. your pen's toilet

                          but this is my year.

                          feasibly.

{ music } thoughts??
{ book } all about Ester
{ mood } amused

Filed under dengeki daisy | hn. your pen's toilet

Sir Rigor was my prof that day. our "teach" for two weeks since Sir Dex was out for his paternity leave. Lit 2 class was having its final report on "Flowering Judas". Another enlisted day, of which I am prepared for, for a "redeeming" session. Sir Rigor, who happens to be our long-time academic Dean, was entertaining my question, to be exact, he made me repeat my question to Arman. "Why is that Laura doesn't want to commit to anything when she is involved in everything?"

in quick astound, " 'Why is that Laura doesn't want to commit to anything when she is involved in everything?', you said. That's a very good question, L."

Sir said that. And the class told me, "redeem yourself, L." (Yeah, right.)

Here is Arman's reply: "Before Laura came to Mexico, she already desired for a "something" else. A something she does not have yet, being a lady who comes from a noble and learned family. And she thought she would acquire it in Mexico, where the people then were unrefined. In that part of the city. however, all she has gotten into was life where there is rebellion against the government. Where everyone else is doing betrayal. Feeling that ambiance, she acted on betrayal too to revenge for those who sin from betrayal too. Unfortunately, she finds herself too late in betraying herself too. Everything around her is out of place. Where she does not find what she is looking for."

"Precisely.", Sir Rigor butted in. "What can you do if everyone else is doing ill around you and you want a change. You want to do good, and tell people to do the same, but everything else is wrong? You can't trust if there is no trust about you. You know that sign outside? The one posted with "Honesty" proverb?

"Yes, Sir.", the class answered. "Be honest even if others are not; if other will not; and if others can not." "It is even posted near the police station."

"I don't like that. You wouldn't want that right? It is like letting others be that others. How can you when others don't. It is unfair, right?"

"Now, does that satisfy you, L.?"

Suppressive of the fact, I just nodded.

Why? The bell already rang.

Filed under the dialogues | hn. your pen's toilet

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the ORANGE SKY

by: Ltraigne X’ Ae.

Brown, Light brown perhaps.

With black spots. Tiny spots on the left side.

Then, it wiggled.

Startled, with little fascination, there I stood;

and still standing

“Vener, earth to? Come back here and stop daydreaming.”, Naya barks from her seat beside the laboratory table.

“You’ve been drooling in there for like 5 hours—

            Leaning on the door and staring at the lizard…imagining…”, Marc, sitting infront of Naya, starts rolling his eyes.

“Shut it.”, Vener sharply says.

“Oh?” and there they begin their habit of playing pranks and fooling around.

Just like any ordinary day,

my eyes keep on searching and searching; to be more precise, my eyes lazily wander wherever. Well, I’m tired sketching and being asked by teachers in class during discussions. Thus, I retire myself here on the door frame of our classroom. Teach isn’t around anyway. All there is left to do is to wait for the waterbath of our experiment to finish, then viola! I can march for home.

And just like any ordinary day, a wisp—too soft, too thin, almost transparent like a ghost—flutters and dances and flutters with the cold harsh wind passing by me, passing by her.

Her hand tenderly touches the wisp, clasps it and blows with that vulnerable look. A look I nearly subconsciously went to caress.

Okay. Hold it. What am I saying? First things first, I don’t like her. She is just a classmate. A classmate who never escapes the corner of my eyes. Who wouldn’t wonder? It’s been 7 months since she came and declared to be a sophomore collegian of our course; meaning, she’ll be in our class, in the same class, (dummy, of course, we’re just one class) until fourth year. And it’s been 7 months that she puts on that “popping” demeanor. She’s present today. Tomorrow she’s out. Comes next day, and she’s there. The same incidents happen like a cycle. It’s been a routine for us.

Look who’s talking.
Right. I admit, I’m an on-and-off student too. Delinquent, they say, but it’s excusable because I’m cool.

Anyway, if she’s here, I can’t help notice how she gazes far west into the orange sky. She gazes every time she steals some quietude for herself amidst our banters striding within the grounds or even inside the class. This clandestine habit of hers, sometimes, makes me gaze into the same sky. Orange sky.

What’s in there? Wait, why would I do that in the first place? I’m not some idiot mysterious to do it.

However, there she sits, stern and scowling, whenever Marc teases her. Not just Marc. All right, I included. She rides with the pranks, but we frequently lose to her seriousness and sudden up-straight transformation. Still, I can’t help tease her.

“Ani Lima.”

“Ani.”

“Ani.”  Just calling her name is fun because she hates it.

“What?!” or “Why?!”, she articulates with exclamation points. It resounds to silence.

One minute, and I call her, “Ani.” again.

A few more minutes, and she goes, “Why?”.

Damn. Don’t give me that look. It’s too formidable. Adorable. Eh? Erase that last word.

Realizing she grins. She smiles. A smile of victory.

Dementia possesses me. Argh! I can’t backfire!

I don’t understand her at all. I don’t dare, nevertheless. Naya would always talk to our professors for her whenever she’s out. Until one day of the past four months, our Microbiology Prof asks for our permission if it would be all right to just let her have the modules even though she wouldn’t be attending classes. Guess what? Marc in turn queried, “Why?” Prof answered, “She’s having a bone illness.” That suited them; but my mind went, “so-so”.

Still, on the little corner of my stubborn brain, there run involuntarily two helpless lines,

“For real? Ani?”

A few more days passed…

Just like any ordinary day. Today, on our second period (her first period) she strides infront of me casually. Too casually. Then, it struck me. Dumbfound. She’s unusually vibrant like there’s nothing wrong. Her radiating glow, irritatingly reaches out. Irritatingly because it makes me want to breathe in that glow. She’s been making that face since this early morning. I don’t know why somewhere within me, crumples instinctively. I want to chide myself, for cringing desperately just to know what makes her do that.

What the heck is happening?

I’m cold and stiff. She is cold and stiff.

Today, however, she’s all warm to everyone else except me. Why? Ani, why? Who really are you?

Just then, while I’m with the guys and Blessie, our other female regular classmate aside from Ani and Naya, standing outside the room of our second class something I think incredulous will happen sooner. And sooner it is.

Ani and Naya went somewhere, so we finally head towards the Blue Haus to photocopy some modules. The place has been occupied by a group of Nursing students who are almost done photocopying as soon as we arrive.

Just then…

“How I really wish Ani is here with us. She’s too good on this.”, the girl in pure white Nursing uniform claims.

“She could be our Cum Laude. How we lost such a treasure.  Even our club lost such leader, too.”, a tall guy agrees.

Finally, “If only her father didn’t leave them.  I think everything else she had crumbled down when she left the previous year.”, the tallest of the guys says almost in a whisper.

Maybe I am the only one who heard it since I’m the only one nearest to him. Behind him, precisely.

He even sighs, “Ani Lima.”

Slowly…

“Crap!” Everything goes blank. Only Ani’s pale face appears infront of me. Chills climb up my spine.

A week later…

Chemistry class. 2 :10 pm.

The sky is orange. Everything’s serene.

Good. “I’ve refreshed myself.”, I murmured, walking out of the comfort room with my head bent down. Okay, straightening up, I open my mouth and shut it as unexpectedly her figure runs into me. Thump. I blink thrice. Real. Thump.

“You’re not attending class. I’ll tell Sir.”

“I’m going.”

All straight and composed, she passes by me.

Sigh. Ani’s all the same, huh?

That same incident, I knew.

Vener knows his resolve.

I look at the orange sky,

“I’ll own your smile.”

{ mood } calm

Filed under escape pod | hn. your pen's toilet